Protection
by xirtadar
Summary: [Slash] [ChaseJack] A trip to the drugstore to buy condoms illustrates the problems in a relationship.


"All right, Spicer," Chase Young drawled, pausing outside of the entrance of the Duane Reade. "If there's one thing I don't want to have in that store, it's—"

"A long line at the checkout?" Jack asked playfully, twirling a stray strand of his hair absent-mindedly.

Chase sighed, eyes raised upward momentarily. "A scene, Spicer. I'd like to avoid calling attention to ourselves."

"Whatever for?"

"Tell me, what is the age of sexual consent in this state?"

"I don't know, maybe 17?" Jack shrugged. "It's cool."

Chase smacked his forehead. "No, Jack, it's not cool. You wonder why I don't like to make appearances with you in public."

"I just think it would be nice if we did more things together, is all."

"Spicer, I see you practically every day."

"Outside of your lair," Jack clarified.

"Well, we're doing something together now."

"It's not exactly what I had in mind."

"Spicer!" Chase cried, smacking the boy across the face. "Cease this needless display of self-pity!"

"Okay," Jack shrugged again.

"No scenes," Chase growled, clenching his fist. "Do not call attention to yourself in any way. Or

me. Is that understood?" Jack nodded solemnly, crossing his arms. "All right. Let's go."

XXX

Entering the store, Jack began to veer toward the candy aisle, when he felt something yank on the back of his jacket collar. "Hey, hey, hey!" Jack yelped, jumping around. "What's the big idea?"

"We are not here to peruse the selection," Chase growled. "Stick to the plan. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Chase, Jesus," Jack moaned. "Obviously, I understand you. I mean, I speak English." Chase raised an eyebrow. "And Mandarin," he added. Actually, he sometimes forgot what language he was speaking. Living in China could do that to a person. A genius person, anyway.

Chase grabbed Jack's wrist and somehow managed to subtly lead him to the aisle in question. "Now, we are to accomplish this mission quickly and economically," Chase insisted, letting go of the boy.

"Yeah, okay. Who knew you were such a tightwad?" Turning away from the evil overlord, Jack's eyes went wide. He'd never seen so much … selection … before. "Hey!" he cried. "I didn't know they came in colors!"

Chase lowered himself down to whisper in Jack's ear. "I wish to be out of here quickly," he hissed, careful not to put his hands on the boy. "Pick a type of prophylactic and we can be on our way."

"But, but…"

"Do not test my patience, Spicer. Let us do what we came here to do, and then we can depart."

Jack turned around and looked Chase right in the eye. "Chase, you're my first…" He paused. "This is my first, you know … relationship."

"I'd say calling it that is misrepresenting something."

"Well, misrepresentation or not, I want to enjoy these little moments. And since this is the only little moment you'll let me have, I'm going to enjoy it."

"What could there possibly be to enjoy about purchasing condoms?"

"Oh, lots of things," Jack replied sarcastically, putting one finger on his bottom lip for indulgent effect. "For example, look at all this selection."

"You mentioned."

"You know, we never really _discuss_ what kind we're going to use," Jack said, voice pulsing with amusement. He picked up a box of unlubricated Trojans.

"We are _not_ using unlubricated condoms," Chase said softly, grabbing the box out of Jack's hand and placing it back on the display. "In any case, if it were up to me, we wouldn't be using any condoms."

"Oh, you _have_ to use condoms," Jack insisted, busily scanning the rows for something that spoke to him. "It's a risk you can't afford not to take."

"You sound like someone's mother," Chase sighed. "Actually, come to think of it, you sound like my mother."

"They had condoms when your mother was alive."

"Well, no," Chase admitted. "But she was an overly cautious sort of woman. She died during a plague outbreak when I was 14. Of course, I was already living at the Xiaolin Temple then." Jack turned to Chase and gave him a sad look. "What?" Chase asked. "All of your glances are arousing suspicion."

"There's no one else in the aisle," Jack said dismissively with a wave of his hand. "You mean to tell me your mother died when you were younger than I am now?"

"Such a thing wasn't uncommon in the sixth century," Chase said coolly. "Would you mind finishing your selection process?"

"Why?" Jack asked, selecting a box of ribbed condoms. "Eager to get home to use them? Also, what do you think of these?" Jack shoved the box in Chase's hands, and immediately reached for another box to look at — something in colors.

"I hope you know those aren't going to work," Chase responded dismissively.

"It might be interesting to try—"

"They will not work," Chase insisted. "The human anus does not have the nerve capacity to distinguish little tiny ridges on a condom."

"Really?" Jack asked, incredulous. "How would _you_ know anything about that?"

Ignoring this taunt, Chase leaned into Jack's ear again, and whispered: "If you weren't so squeamish, Spicer, I'd be willing to volunteer my tail for similar purposes. I dare say it might have an impact."

Jack carefully nudged Chase away from him. "Ew," he said softly. "That's gross. Keep that thing away from me. I prefer not to think about the fact that I'm doing it with a giant lizard."

"Then you are in denial, because despite my most pleasing appearance, I am, in actuality, a giant lizard." Chase sighed. "I fear this conversation is fast becoming too conspicuous."

"Conspicuous? Look, there's no one else around. The store is practically empty. I want to try ribbed condoms. Get over it."

Chase sighed his most exasperated, put-upon sigh — a sigh to outmatch any he'd made all evening. "I am beginning to feel that indulging you in this pedantic whim was a mistake."

"Pedantic?"

Chase shook his head. "Perhaps it is more than pedantic," he sneered. "I feel you are acting particularly…" He thought for a moment. "Puerile, perhaps. I don't know for certain what prompted this unnecessary display of neediness, but what I would like is for you to select a type of 'protection,' as you kids might call it, so that we can leave."

"Jesus!" Jack shrieked. "Who made you my shrink?" Chase didn't answer, but smirked silently. Jack pulled down a box of glow-in-the-dark condoms and held them up for Chase to see. "I want these," he said calmly and definitively.

Chase rubbed his chin, obviously deep in thought. "Does, 'glow-in-the-dark' mean what I think it does?"

"It's very straightforward," Jack said nonchalantly, crossing his arms. "I want it."

"Absolutely not."

"I want glow-in-the-dark condoms."

"Would not a box of generously sized condoms be a more logical choice?"

Jack snorted. "You wish."

Chase continued to scan the display, quirking at eyebrow. "Her Pleasure?"

"I'm not a _woman_," Jack groaned. "And I want these." Jack shook the box of condoms in his hand for emphasis. "I want them. Get them for me."

"And I'm not _made_ of money, Spicer."

"You weren't going to pay for them anyway! You told me you were just going to transport out of here!"

"Why don't you take an armful of boxes, then? That way you can have all the condoms your little heart desires." Chase lowered his voice. "I'm sure I could muster the will to use them all before they expire."

Jack was not happy. "You don't understand!" he moaned, throwing the box of glow-condoms at Chase and stomping off.

XXX

Chase found Jack sitting in the nearby park, huddled by himself on a bench. His arms were hugging his knees to his chest; Chase was willing to guess (but did not want to assume) that Jack had been crying. At any rate, his wasn't crying now, and his eye makeup was fairly intact, so he must not have been at it for too long, if indeed he had been weeping at all.

Seating himself next to the boy genius, Chase made certain to keep a certain amount of distance from the youth. Luckily, this was a fairly secluded corner of the park.

"Do you mind explaining that embarrassing act of emotionalism?" he began.

"Fuck you," Jack spat, attempting to inch away while holding his legs, which proved too awkward to manage. Chase, insulted at having been sworn at, grabbed Jack's arm and wrenched it away from his knees.

"See here," he growled in a low voice. "I will not tolerate this adolescent behavior. If this is the thanks I receive for indulging your childish pursuits, I will not be generous with my time, resources, and patience again. Is that understood?" When Jack did not say anything, Chase grew annoyed. "Well?" he barked. "Answer me, Spicer! You will not act like a petulant child toward me!" All of this was said, though harshly, at an appropriate volume for an outdoor, public space.

Jack turned to the man but kept his arms crossed. Sitting on the bench was not very comfortable with his Helibot on. "I'll act like a child all I want, Chase!" he said roughly. "After all, I _am_ one."

"I'm aware that age is one of the greatest obstacles to overcome—"

"I'm 15!"

"I know how old you are."

"Yeah, well, if you don't want to deal with a 'petulant child,' don't fuck a 15-year-old." Jack looked up at Chase, who was looking down on the boy with a devastating combination of rage and confusion.

"I don't understand," Chase finally said blankly. "Why should I put up with unpleasant behavior? If you want to have a 'relationship,' as you put it, with a man many years your senior, you should learn to act more mature."

Jack scoffed at this. "Shows what you know."

"Explain."

"Why the hell would I want to be in a relationship with someone a thousand times my own age? I want to be in a relationship with someone _my_ age!"

"Well, why don't you pursue one, then?" Chase asked cluelessly, already bored with this conversation.

"I'm trying! It's not working! I don't get along with kids my own age! Everyone hates me."

"Perhaps you should make yourself more likeable?"

"Look, Jack Spicer doesn't change," Jack Spicer stated. "If people don't realize my awesomeness, they can DIAF." Chase opened his mouth, and Jack pre-empted him. "Die in a fire," he explained sadly. "See, this is what I mean. You don't understand my brilliance, and you never will."

"Have you tried those precocious monks?"

"Eesh, no. They hate me."

"It seems to me, Spicer, that you are stuck between two rocks," Chase concluded lamely. "I am not interested, after all, in engaging in the mind-numbingly dull rituals of teenage courtship."

"First of all, it's 'hard place.' "

"Excuse me?"

"The expression is, 'rock and a hard place.' And second, yeah, that's obvious."

"Well, not that I'm not satisfied with our arrangement, but _why_ do you continue to endure it? And pursue it," Chase added as an afterthought.

"I don't know," Jack shined. "Why all the questions?"

"Why anything?" Chase said mockingly. "Why all of the makeup? Why all of the black? Why all of the obnoxious displays of bumbling evil?"

"I don't know!" Jack cried, throwing his hands in the air. "I don't think about it! I don't think about anything! I like it how it is, just let me be."

"You are an awfully confused boy, Spicer."

There were a few minutes of silence, during which Chase closed his eyes and tried to focus in on his own thoughts — not meditate, per se, but clear his mind of the dramatics he was so often forced to ensure. He listened to Jack's steady breathing — Jack always breathed through his mouth. Chase was beginning to wonder how much longer he should sit here playing along with this before he just left. Spicer, of course, would be stranded in New York City, but he was a resourceful boy — he would find his own way home. Failing that, Chase would come back to get him … eventually.

Suddenly, Chase felt himself to disturbed by the voice of his companion. "It's not worth arguing about," Jack sighed conclusively, getting up from the bench. "One day I _will_ be an adult, and we'll be over then no matter what happens."

Chase raised an eyebrow. "Intriguing," he said, getting up himself. "You see yourself tiring of this liaison?"

"What? No. Well, maybe, but I wouldn't end it. I see _you_ tiring of _me_."

"Why?"

"I don't see you wanting me when I'm older."

"You think my interest in you is lecherous?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Duh."

"Well, at least you're perceptive enough to be able to discern that." Chase snapped his fingers idly. "I think we should be getting back to my lair now," he said firmly. "Before this becomes any more overt than it need be. Which, I remind you, is not at all."

XXX

Back at the mountain lair, Jack found himself nervously following Chase into the bedroom. Chamber? It was really too large too be a simple bedroom. Eyes on the back of Chase's head, Jack wondered what he was doing here. As usual, the double doors slammed themselves shut behind Chase.

"Well," he said sternly, looking down on Jack with a mixture of pity and boredom. "Here we are again."

"Chase?" Jack asked pathetically. The outside world gave him strength, but in here he was nothing more than Chase's catamite, a word Jack had recently looked up in the dictionary after coming across it in the dictionary. _I only wish I were important enough to be his catamite, _Jack thought to himself.

"What is it, Spicer?" Chase asked distractedly, as he sat on a bench to remove his shoes.

"I—" He paused. "I don't want to do this. I think I want to leave."

Chase looked up at Jack. "Very well," he said plainly. "I have other things I could be focusing my attentions on this afternoon."

"Okay." Jack turned around and began to exit the room. The door didn't open for him as it usually did, as if it were reading Chase's vindictive thoughts or something. So, he began to pull and push on it.

As he was struggling to get it open, he heard a voice behind him. "Spicer," it said in an icy growl. But when he turned around, all he saw was Chase, handing him a box of glow-in-the-dark condoms. "Here," he said menacingly. "I think you're old enough to hang on to these."

"Actually," he said sheepishly, handing them back. "I really don't want my mother to find them."

"So put them away," Chase suggested.

"Look, you don't get it." Jack took a step forward. "I'm not the ruler of the universe yet. If she finds these, I'm going to have to explain about you, and then she's going to want to _meet_ you. And you'll have to be civil."

"Oh, I'm civil to everyone." Chase's voice was amused. "Even my enemies."

"Yeah, you're civil like a bad case of Ebola." Jack indicated the door. "A little help?" he asked.

Chase sighed. "As you wish." The door magically swung open.

Jack smiled. "Awesome. Okay, thanks." He turned to walk out the door, and then he turned again, snatching the condoms from Chase's hands. "See you later."

From behind, Chase watched Jack depart. With another snap of his fingers, he had summoned a crow. He paced back and forth as the crow perched on the frame of his bed. "I want you to infiltrate the Xiaolin Temple," he told it. "Tell me what those young monks are up to." Chase was on his way out of the room when he turned around again, checking to make sure that the crow is still there. "And when you are done with that," he added. "See to it that Jack Spicer gets home." He thought for a moment and added, "Safely."

The crow lingered for a moment, and then with a piercing squawk, it was soaring overhead, assumedly to the Xiaolin Temple. Chase smiled to himself with a feeling of self-satisfaction, and went to the kitchen to seek a bowl of soup.


End file.
